What's up world?

What's going on, world?

The city is crazy. It's almost unreal to me. The small things are what fascinate me most. The street lights, the life, but most of all, the sounds at night that I expect will go away and never do. Being from a relatively small town and then being exposed to the city lifestyle is culture shock just in and of itself. Makes you appreciate those little things at home like leaving your car door unlocked because you know everybody on the street and getting from one side of town to the other in fifteen minutes during 'rush hour.' It's definitely different going from dodging red lights by taking the back roads home than having to use a map on the freeway and ending up getting off on the wrong exit. These are the little things(everything always goes back the the little things) that you fail to imagine when you're sitting back at home looking toward your future at some image of how perfect city life is.

Pop-Culture?

I debated for a long while whether or not to consult my loved ones on leaving home again, this time with a plan, or just getting all of my affairs in order and letting them know a couple of days before I go. Without considering them and getting all their well-thought-out points of view, I'd be selfish and inconsiderate by definition. However, with exposing the idea to everybody and asking what they thought, I'd be getting a bunch of much different views. All of which contradict the other and mix up my mind so that I once again wait on my life longer, postponing what would make me happy and molding into what they have made their circumstances.

I've always been much different than my family. Something is constantly ticking inside of me, small things that are at times brilliant and, at others, things that are just flat-out fucking annoying. I'm decently outspoken. Once I bring my barrier down at least. My mother thinks its disrespectful but I feel its real and honest. There are views I have truly never understood that exist. Plastic that our society has wrapped around our heads with just a tiny hole to let us live while we suffer. All of these things that make us put up a shell and feel 'unworthy,' or better yet, 'unhuman.' What is suggested is that we all strive to be the poster child from some sweet pure image like Gerber or Harvard Grad. Once you take away all the make-up and fabricated images, we're all just people. Souls. However, it seems that is over-looked constantly. Of course, this is all relative to a matter of perspective. Our opinions are diverse and I suppose that's what gives the world color. I'd prefer to live in harmony. To live in peace and truth. To be completely honest, I become incredibly fired up over the dysfunction and discrimination in the world when really, I am entirely aware, that harmony, peace and truth come from within. They are not attributes that can be given or taken away. Whether they are difficult to accomplish or not, they take work and cognitive effort. To learn to live with melody is ideal. And to really appreciate things and people that cross into your path that posses heart. In their work, their relationships, and in their passions.

I constantly crave change and adventure. Challenge and worthwhile concepts to interpret and dissect. Being in an unfamiliar environment or situation definitely challenges your character. How well you adapt and how sincerely you try when you're uncomfortable. I am both frightened and turned on by things that provoke my curiosity. Especially by things that are typically frowned upon, I crave to experience them, to embrace them, to make them part of who I am. At times I become so wrapped up in what's next and what's wrong that I mentally criticize myself for being so impulsive and experiencing things society tells me I should not that I become depressed. I bleed a constant distasteful enthralling lust that radiates all around me, often captivating others in a way neither I nor they understand but are very drawn in by. While I often times may speak obscurely and act 'inappropriately,' my heart is incapable of deviance or betrayal. Its intentions are entirely pure and it would lose its beat before it would allow anything it loved to be in the way of harm. I'm incredibly compassionate and dedicated to what and who I love. And oh so confused as to where I find love in romantic relationships. Being that I am very sexual, I am often mistaking that sexual desire with romance.

Suggestions of this and that from the outside world are never overlooked by me but definitely never breathed in by me. I very much would prefer to give direction rather than take it. This is both a blessing and a curse. My pursuit to find something I feel passionately enough about to be confident in pioneering a new way for is often delayed because I do not follow a particular path and change directions so often. My faith is strong, however. It's only realism I need to embrace. The combination will combine fire with vision and then, I am assured, I will be unstoppable.

As for this chapter in my life, this piece of my story, I am open to new ideas. I am open to change. I am open to being courageous and stepping into the unknown where I will boldly and bravely challenge what I believe will make the world a better place to live in. Regardless of those who will cross my path and doubt my believes and intentions. Regardless of all preconceived notions and skepticism. Why? Because this is my life, this is my journey and I will be damned if I do not leave behind me, a legend.